id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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