no, he came in my armpit
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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