the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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