i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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