i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
