I cockslap morals
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
