We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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