my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
