Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I want her autograph on my taint
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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