you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
