im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
