have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
