She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
