just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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