WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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