I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
