All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
