i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
