I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
