i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
