no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
