I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
