Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
