so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
