how can u be prego again
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
