it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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