I feel great
I just peed on a car
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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