you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
