Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
