I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
this is an emotional support booty call
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
