32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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