Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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