My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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