Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
