he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
