dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I want a musical about memes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize