bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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