He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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