I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
