apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
