I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
