i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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