Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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