I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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