he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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