I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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