Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
