I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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