i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
