i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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