I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
