Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
