Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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