So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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