There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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