the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
