We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
