Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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