And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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