if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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