xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
