they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
